Tuesday, June 26, 2012


If this seems a little out of place, it's understandable. I managed two blogs, Style My Way and And McKinley Makes Three. Since changing my POV with this blog, making it a little more lifestyle in feel, I added all And McKinley Makes Three posts to this one. It has been quite some time since I blogged about our son. Here are some things happening in our world.

My mother always told me that whenever I was heartbroken, she was too. If I experienced major disappointment, she felt it as well. Now that I'm a mother, I know exactly what she means. McKinley may only fourteen months old, but he's experiencing heartbreak and I am along for the ride. 

For instance, we went to a "Ride Along with Thomas" event about a month ago. We weren't really sure how McKinley would react to this outing or even if he would understand what was going on around him. Well the latter couldn't be further from the truth. The minute he saw Thomas all he could do was point and utter "ooohhhh" in his general direction. As we stood in line to have our photo taken with Thomas, McKinley could hardly contain himself. He squirmed in the direction of the large train engine, pointing constantly, and cried to be closer. Upon our photo being taken, Thomas peeped his horn and started to roll away from the station. It was then that McKinley expressed heartbreak. As the large, blue engined rolled along the tracks, my son cried as if his heart was breaking. Thomas was leaving and McKinley was sure he wasn't coming back. It was the saddest thing to watch. He was over it within seconds, but that moment was so tender. So honest. And I wanted to cry for him!

"See Thomas? He's over there!"

"I said over there!"

The most recent heartbreak came just the other night. McKinley thinks that he can get places faster by crawling, so instead of walking alone, he chooses to crawl. And he is fast! Like crazy fast! A couple of weeks ago, he was going so fast that his little arms and legs got out of sync and he ended up face first on my parents hardwood floor. Poor little thing bummed his lip, which bled, and caused a small, "fat" lip on his upper lip. Well, Sunday night he was crawling around our bedroom while Joel and I put up blinds. McKinley, one to squeeze through any space because he lacks the patience to wait, decided he needed past me and the closet door because I wasn't responding fast enough to his needs. He raced through only to "trip" over my foot and land face down on that same lip. Screams of pain, face as red as a beet, breath held until I blew and a small amount of blood on his little hand that was being pulled from his mouth cause me to instantly crumble. It was all I could do to not cry myself. The look on his face just broke my heart. (He did the same thing within 15 minutes of the first fall when trying to crawl over daddy's feet.) The same expression yielded a cry for a Ni-Ni (bottle) so the two of us made our way to the kitchen. 

I held him as he took his bottle, caressed his little head and watched him fall asleep in my arms. I probably held him for over an hour as he slept. I figured, even if he didn't say it, he needed his Mama as much as I needed to try and console him. I know there are going to be worse moments, I'm hopeful I'm wrong, and far more bumps and bruises to come. I think the thing that so hard for me now is that he can't tell me when he hurts so his little face carries all the pain and all I can do is soothe. Mending one broken heart at a time.

How could anyone or anything break this precious boys heart?

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