An Entrepreneur.....

I've wanted to write a post like this for some time, but I wasn't really sure how to write it and what to really say in it. By definition, an entrepreneur is "a person who organizes and manages any enterprise, especially a business, usually with considerable initiative and risk." That sounds a little dry, don't you think? How about someone who starts their own business on blind faith, passion, and the desire to work for oneself. Someone who, let's say, takes a leap! And that's exactly what I did when I decided to start my own business as a Stylist with Stella & Dot. 

I knew I wanted to "go back to work" after being laid off almost two years ago, but I also knew that I didn't want to go into an office on a daily basis. I did that for almost 15 years. And before that, I worked countless nights and weekends as a manager in retail. Before that, it was college with a very part time job one day a week and on the weekends with two jobs in the summer. I'm very well aware of what work is all about. But at almost 42, and with a four year old at home, I didn't want to spend the next half of my life working for something or someone I didn't believe in. And working for myself, someone and something I believe in, seemed the right fit.

Before I ever decided to truly start my business, I had a lot of naysayers and still do. And I have to say, they are the ones that helped ignite the flame. The ones that helped me decide to take the plunge. They are the ones that I want to prove wrong! My business started out blazing. The next month, good, but not as good as the first. The third month, not so great. It was December after all, a horrible time for anyone who knows retail, and without an established business I worked for every customer I received! With 2016, January started out okay (actually I hustled like no other with decent results), and February gave the appearance to be an upward trend. Then March hit. And I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of nos and little to no response.

Stella & Dot is a direct sales company, so you as a business owner rely solely on sales from your customers. The customers you physically drum up daily, weekly, monthly. And what really drives your sales are trunk shows or home parties. You get repeat hostesses, those that just love the product and want the free jewelry as often as they can get it, or from new customers you meet at said parties. And then there's the occasional outside order. I love those! Actually, I love any and all forms of sales! That's what drives home my paycheck. A paycheck that I can feel good about because I did it all on my own. But for right now, I'm feeling lost in my business.

I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing. Reaching out to past customers, future customers.  Emailing, texting, sending messages on Facebook, calling potential customers, and posting on all forms of social media. I'm talking about my likes, my obsessions, what's on trend, and what I think my customers would like most. I'm literally typing my fingers to the bone. And at times, I think they would look so much better with manicure! But the customers aren't biting and I'm starting to get worried.

And I think I'm starting to lose friends! That's the thing about starting a business. You reach out and lean on your friends for support, but after a while, I think they grow weary of your constant Facebook posts, emails about promos, and texts about what I think the would love. There are days where I get ohs and ahs, days where I get an occasional "that's not really my style", and I get a lot of crickets! The crickets are what keep me awake at night. And let me tell you, over the last couple of weeks, there have been a lot of sleepless nights. And those sleepless nights are causing me to question whether or not I keep going. Yes, it's only been roughly four months, so it's a little early in the game to just stop, but the naysayers are in my head and starting to get at me. The ones who thinks it's not a good idea. The ones who told me that they wouldn't host parties before I even started the business. The ones who are crickets. 

But, I'm not really a quitter. I'm a go-getter at heart. I love a challenge. I've always been the top seller in any sales job I've held. I mean, I was the top ladies seller in an eight store region when I worked for Harold's! And that's the kind of thing that reminds me that I can make this business happen. Also, I have a four year old son who needs tap and jazz shoes come June. Who loves to go to Fritz's for lunch. Who is playing on a t-ball league this summer. Who is my "Why" when Stella & Dot first asks you why you want to start your business. My why is to stay home with him, for him, but still feel like I'm contributing to my family and to myself. So that I can get that much needed manicure, even if it's six months from now. To go out and buy a new pair of shoes. The way I did when I was working full-time in an office and bringing home a bi-weekly paycheck. And not feel guilty for doing it. There are so many Why's when I stop to think about it, and they all drive me to keep going. To keep texting, and emailing, and posting on Facebook, and possibly putting those naysayers behind me. And getting some much needed sleep! And that manicure....

I'm An Entrepreneur, Bitch!

 

Saturday Morning Chatter - Age is Just a Number

Last week I attended Chicago the Musical with my girlfriends and had such a great afternoon! It was so nice to be among adults, having a glass of wine, catching up, and taking in some culture. It truly was so needed! The gals that went with me are my theater family. The people I've had the pleasure of sharing the stage with for over ten years. Women who are talented, passionate, and understand the thrill of performing. I haven't done a show, with them or otherwise, in almost four years and I'm okay with that. I'm busy being a mother. I'm raising a baby boy in hopes of having a mannerly young man in several years. A young man that may not want me around, and I might seek the stage again, but for now I love playing the roll of Mama.

I fear the thought of heading back to theater in my late 40s or early 50s because there isn't much for older women in leading roles. There's Daisy in Driving Miss Daisy. The mother in Night Mother. The mother in Barefoot in the Park. But I don't do straight plays. I'm a musical theater girl who likes to hoof it on stage. A dancer by trade, who loves to dance as much as she loves to breath, but may not have the goods at 40 let alone 50. I can't stand by that statement after seeing Chicago last weekend.

I walked away obsessed with the woman who played Roxie Hart, Bianca Marroquin. At 40, she had the ease of a young woman in her 20s. The way she moved was so lithe. She was sensual without being slutty. She danced without any effort. So comfortable in her own skin. She melted into the floor and I melted with her. And though I'm not aware of her actual dance training, I would only assume she has an extensive ballet background. Her lines were exquisite. A frame that can only come from years of ballet training. Something that a classically trained ballerina notices. She was incredible. 

She was also quite the performer. She pulled back when needed, but went for it when expected. She  brought a great humor to the character and a tenderness at the same time. Can you tell I loved her? And it got me to thinking. I'm mean, I've had this thought forever, but it really hit home this past weekend. Why is it that society, Hollywood, and even blogging, sets glass ceilings on age? Why is that those entities believe that after a certain age we've dried up? That we're talentless and have nothing left to give. Well let me tell you, we have plenty to give after 30! Hell, even after 40 and more!

American Idol cuts off the age of entry at 28. Really? Twenty-eight? Because we couldn't possibly have any talent at 29! In my personal opinion, I didn't peak until after I turned 30 and I think I'm still growing. I'm in no way saying that I think I'm extremely talented. That's not it at all. But I became so much more comfortable on stage the older I got. And, I got better roles as a result. I mean look at Bianca. She's playing a sexy, sultry lead character at 40! And could continue to do so in another five years! She's actually inspired me to up the game and get this "old girl's" body back in shape. There's an old dancers body in there somewhere. I just need to find it! But I digress. Why can't men and women over 28 audition? Afraid they might blow the youngsters out of the water? That the American public wouldn't vote for them, or listen to them on the radio, or buy tickets to see them in concert? Because they're over 28? Why can't someone's career begin at 30 or later? I didn't realize there was a cutoff age for your dreams to become reality!

We can argue that men aren't generally judged for getting older. (I'm not a feminist so I won't delve deeper.) Some do become more distinguished with age. But there are some women who just grow more beautiful with age. They grow into their own bodies, become more comfortable in their own skin. Why are we not looking at them to model this season trends? Why aren't we putting them on the cover of more fashion magazines? I'm thinking specifically of Helen Mirren, have you seen her on the red carpet? What about Diane Keaton? Sure she's incredibly quirky, but her menswear style is unbeatable. And have you seen her killer body? I also love Meryl Streep. She's not much of a dresser, and I would kill to style her for the next red carpet, but she's stunning. I would love to see them embraced by the public for the amazing, talented, beautiful women they are! And for the fact that they are all over 50!

I wrestle with this issue all the time. It's probably part of my own insecurities and I blame it on society and Hollywood. That I'm not living out my dreams because I'm too chicken shit to do so so late in my life. (Chicken shit always makes me think of the movie Cousins. There's this great line where the dad says "You've got only one life to live. You can either make it chickenshit or chicken salad." So true!) But either way, we should embrace maturity. Like they say, age is just a number. I don't feel 41. I don't feel like I'm getting older, when obviously I am, because I'm comfortable with parts of myself. I love that I look better now than I did in my 20s. I've never considered myself pretty, but I do feel that I've grown into myself over the years, and I look better than I did. Wrinkles, laugh lines, and concealed dark circles included. I dress better than I did in my 20s because I'm not trying to impress anybody. I'm dressing for me. And like Bianca, if I ever take the stage again, I would like to think I would have the ease, confidence, and maturity to embrace my older self and go for it when expected!